One of Those Days… Online Dating

So unsure of my next step.

Thought I met somebody with potential, but I was wrong. And he hasn’t called or texted.

Getting back out there is comical. A 27 year old reached out. He messaged me with a joke. I’m sure most asked for the punchline, but I messaged back, “I can already tell you’re not funny.”

“That’s not what my yearbook says,” he replied.

Ok, so he’s a little funny.

Why am I messaging with a 27 year old? Ugh!

Then an age appropriate man messaged, “Let’s talk.” Much better. Seemed alpha and I like that.

I noticed he was from another state so I deleted his message without responding. Within minutes, I received another message from him, “I’m still trying.”

Maybe if he was closer…

Moral of this story: MEN ARE AWESOME! Older, younger, I just like them…

But I want to find the one. Just one. The one I can laugh with, cuddle with, be safe with, and love for the rest of my life.

 Eve

A Phone Call From My Ex

My ex called me last night.

He told me he loved me.

I told him I loved him too.

He said he’d like to see me.

I said that would be nice.

He called me honey.

That surprised me.

I chalked it up as a moment of weakness.

I wasn’t weak.

~

If I get a couple of those phone calls, maybe I’ll have to put some thought into it.

He’s still the best man I’ve ever known.

But I’m hopeful I’ll meet another wonderful man who I can spend the rest of my life with.

For now, I’ll keep dating. I’ll keep working on me. I’ll keep working on my passions and career. I’ll keep spending time with friends.

And maybe, in a small corner in the back of my mind, I’ll wonder if my ex misses me. I’ll wonder if the time apart has made me a more attractive person. I’ll wonder if I have changed enough that I wouldn’t want him back or maybe I would…

Eve 

 

Liking Men Who Don’t Like Me Back

I’ve been dating a little.

I’ve found, for me, there are two types of men.

One type is ALL IN. He wants to lock it down before I’m ready. He’s 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something is missing for me.

The other type, causes ME to be 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something must be missing for him.

He causes me a lot of stress, because this one I like. (Do I want what I can’t have? Is it the chase? Or is it something deeper?)

He doesn’t seem interested.  He doesn’t text unless I text first. He doesn’t call anymore. He stopped making plans with me. But yet, he’s still hanging around. He says all the things I want to hear and continues to see me.

Don’t get the wrong idea, there is no sex. That will only happen after a talk, a test, and a commitment. I’m a slow mover, what can I say. 🙂

Today, I made the decision to stop texting.

He knows how I feel; I’ve made it obvious by my actions, how I treat him.

It is time for me to back away. I don’t have high hopes. And because of his behavior, I’m losing interest in him. I will never want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with me.

I will stay open to finding that happy medium… right in the middle of my two types… He’ll give me a little space, but always let me know he’s still in it.

Eve

I’m Back On Line… Dating

I’ve been dating. Mainly coffee meetings, calls and texts.

I’m fine with that for now.

I’m not really sure what I want and until I figure that out, is there really a point in any of this?

Maybe it all comes down to distraction…

Maybe I want a man to keep me from my dreams and goals.

Maybe I’ve lost sight of what I want, my career, MY future.

Maybe I’ve lost sight of how amazing I am.

Maybe I want a man to think I’m amazing… but how can he, if I don’t think I’m amazing?

Eve

Back From My Eventful Trip, Work Romance?

Loved the getaway!

A work friend was hoping to have a fling (or maybe more) with me.

We had dinner together. Tempting… Single. Muscular. Attractive. Intriguing. Very intriguing… but still, no.

I’m trying to keep my life simple. I don’t want drama and I don’t want to mix my personal life with work. I love my work. I don’t ever want to feel uncomfortable at work. We will remain friends and co-workers.

Since returning from my trip, I have focused on my home and to-do list. I’m in a great place right now. I’m caught up! Yay!

But with that comes… boredom, loneliness…

So, I’m back online.

We’ll see…

Eve

 

I Like Being Alone

Lucky for me, I like my alone time. There’s been a lot of it.

At times I’m not sure what to do with myself… Should I watch TV? Get back on Match? Rearrange my living room? Call an ex? Try to find my brother? Hang out with a friend? Take a nap? Go for a workout? Run? (I don’t run, but I’d like to try.) Do some online shopping? The list goes on…

Instead, I journal and listen to music.

As much as I want love, there is no point in me trying to find him right now. It wouldn’t work. I’m a mess. I wouldn’t be able to connect, because I’m so disconnected from myself.

I’m on my way out of town for work. I’m hoping the change of scene will be good for me.

I won’t have time to think about lost love… future love…

Eve

 

Family and Depression… In the Beginning

I want out of my self-destructive cycle. I blame myself entirely.

Because I’m taking all the blame, taking all the responsibility, I’m also taking all the power to fix it.

How it started…

My dad died when I was young. My mom spent the rest of my childhood in depression… usually locked in her darkened bedroom. My (five-year) older brother was never around and left the house permanently as soon as he was able. I don’t blame him.

So basically, I was on my own. I was alone.

I had a roof over my head and cereal in the cupboard, but I raised myself.

I managed to fall in love and get married but after twenty years, he decided he didn’t want to be married anymore.

We did not have children.

The divorce killed me. I loved him very much and trusted that we would always be together. Always take care of each other. Always love each other.

I’ve been alone now for five years. I’ve unsuccessfully dated two men, each lasting around five months, give or take.

Now, I’m at a crossroads… Am I happier single?

Eve