I’m Bouncing Around… Distracted

love eves blog

I still miss my husband. I still cry sometimes.

I want love again, but I’m not finding the right fit. I’m not connecting.

I’m bouncing around dating, not dating, dating again. Offline, online, offline, online…

Luckily, I’m happy in my career as a personal trainer… I love helping other people.

I wish I could help myself.

My career is giving me the stability I crave. I’m so thankful. It’s the one thing that keeps me sane and gives my life meaning.

Being married gave my life meaning and gave me the stability I love so much.

My personal life chaos is from dating and talking/texting with a few (several) men at the same time. Some claim it’s the right way to go (play the field), but it isn’t the right way for me. I really only want to talk to one man at a time… I just want one man. The right man.

And I’m sure none of these men are right for me.

1-Middle-of-the-night-drunk texter… Fun, entertaining, but not a good fit.

2-He wants to see me and makes vague dates with me or says he’ll call, but he doesn’t follow through… mind f-ing. I need to get away and save myself.

3-One of the men I dated before… not sure why I’d even try he didn’t like me enough the first time.

4-Friend who could potentially be more, but he’s aloof and puts in zero effort… There is no point.

5-A man who lives in a different state. neither of us is moving soooo… No.

6-The man from the gym, another trainer, who continues to ask me out… not going to ruin my career or my happiness.

7-And that brings me back to my ex, who I still love, who will be in town in a month and wants to see me… I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Eve

If a Man…? Please Help

If a man I’ve been dating continues to tell me how attractive and put together the women he’s dated in the past are, what is he really trying to tell me?

A. He’s insecure

B. He only cares about looks

C. He’s trying to make me insecure

D. He just doesn’t know any better

E. He thinks it makes him seem more desirable

F. Other

 

Please help!

Thank you!

Eve

Single and Soul Searching

I was hoping I’d meet a great man and live happily ever after.

That hasn’t happened… well, I’ve met great men.

So, the first part is going great, but the “living happily ever after” part, isn’t.

I’m the problem.

I decided to reconnect with a counselor I’d seen online. I had a few appointments with her during, and right after, my divorce. Needed a little help adjusting to my new life.

Counseling for me goes like this:

I set up a 25 minute appointment, get very clear on my top two issues, then while waiting for my appointment date, I continue to focus on my issues and try to find my own answers.

Issue #1

I run from my problems. I don’t want to communicate, because I fear a fight. Don’t want to fight, so it’s easier to run away… Especially when dealing with men I actually like.

Issue #2

I desperately miss the stability of being married. While married, I never felt the need to run.

~

During my appointment I learned:

Issue #1

I’m extremely sensitive. What I see as a problem, wouldn’t be a problem for a “normal” less-sensitive person.

Yikes! Hate to admit, but it made sense. Dang it!

“How do I become less sensitive?” I asked.

“No. You don’t want to be less sensitive; it’s a wonderful trait to have. You just need to be less reactive,” she said.

Wow. Got it. This is something I can do! Kind of exciting.

It’s fine that I’m sensitive, I’ll embrace that part of me, but I need to be less reactive. OK.

No problem.

So, for Lent, I gave up being reactive.

Since realizing this, there are times I want to react, but I stop myself.

Occasionally, I’ll send a reactive text to myself. And later, after rereading the text, I’m always thankful I didn’t send it to the intended.

I see now, that I’ve turned things into problems, that are not really problems at all… at least not for them. LOL

I need to CALM DOWN!!!

I decided to reach out to a man I prematurely dumped.

We are going on a date this weekend. 🙂

Work in progress…

Eve

I Stopped Texting Him… Now He’s Interested Again

So, the one I really liked (Liking Men Who Don’t Like Me Back) won’t stop texting, calling and asking me out.

But every time I say yes to him, he seems to lose interest in me all over again.

Now I’ve lost interest… In fact, I’ve lost interest in dating in general. I’m taking another break.

Although I’ve learned a lot about me, I still have a long way to go. I’m enjoying the journey. And I have enjoyed the dating; I think it has helped me discover more about myself.

Maybe a little drastic, but I deleted all men’s phone numbers from my phone so I won’t be tempted.

Surprisingly, I feel lighter and happier and more focused on my work and my life. WHO KNEW?!

Eve

One of Those Days… Online Dating

So unsure of my next step.

Thought I met somebody with potential, but I was wrong. And he hasn’t called or texted.

Getting back out there is comical. A 27 year old reached out. He messaged me with a joke. I’m sure most asked for the punchline, but I messaged back, “I can already tell you’re not funny.”

“That’s not what my yearbook says,” he replied.

Ok, so he’s a little funny.

Why am I messaging with a 27 year old? Ugh!

Then an age appropriate man messaged, “Let’s talk.” Much better. Seemed alpha and I like that.

I noticed he was from another state so I deleted his message without responding. Within minutes, I received another message from him, “I’m still trying.”

Maybe if he was closer…

Moral of this story: MEN ARE AWESOME! Older, younger, I just like them…

But I want to find the one. Just one. The one I can laugh with, cuddle with, be safe with, and love for the rest of my life.

 Eve

I’m Back On Line… Dating

I’ve been dating. Mainly coffee meetings, calls and texts.

I’m fine with that for now.

I’m not really sure what I want and until I figure that out, is there really a point in any of this?

Maybe it all comes down to distraction…

Maybe I want a man to keep me from my dreams and goals.

Maybe I’ve lost sight of what I want, my career, MY future.

Maybe I’ve lost sight of how amazing I am.

Maybe I want a man to think I’m amazing… but how can he, if I don’t think I’m amazing?

Eve

Back From My Eventful Trip, Work Romance?

Loved the getaway!

A work friend was hoping to have a fling (or maybe more) with me.

We had dinner together. Tempting… Single. Muscular. Attractive. Intriguing. Very intriguing… but still, no.

I’m trying to keep my life simple. I don’t want drama and I don’t want to mix my personal life with work. I love my work. I don’t ever want to feel uncomfortable at work. We will remain friends and co-workers.

Since returning from my trip, I have focused on my home and to-do list. I’m in a great place right now. I’m caught up! Yay!

But with that comes… boredom, loneliness…

So, I’m back online.

We’ll see…

Eve