I’m Bouncing Around… Distracted

love eves blog

I still miss my husband. I still cry sometimes.

I want love again, but I’m not finding the right fit. I’m not connecting.

I’m bouncing around dating, not dating, dating again. Offline, online, offline, online…

Luckily, I’m happy in my career as a personal trainer… I love helping other people.

I wish I could help myself.

My career is giving me the stability I crave. I’m so thankful. It’s the one thing that keeps me sane and gives my life meaning.

Being married gave my life meaning and gave me the stability I love so much.

My personal life chaos is from dating and talking/texting with a few (several) men at the same time. Some claim it’s the right way to go (play the field), but it isn’t the right way for me. I really only want to talk to one man at a time… I just want one man. The right man.

And I’m sure none of these men are right for me.

1-Middle-of-the-night-drunk texter… Fun, entertaining, but not a good fit.

2-He wants to see me and makes vague dates with me or says he’ll call, but he doesn’t follow through… mind f-ing. I need to get away and save myself.

3-One of the men I dated before… not sure why I’d even try he didn’t like me enough the first time.

4-Friend who could potentially be more, but he’s aloof and puts in zero effort… There is no point.

5-A man who lives in a different state. neither of us is moving soooo… No.

6-The man from the gym, another trainer, who continues to ask me out… not going to ruin my career or my happiness.

7-And that brings me back to my ex, who I still love, who will be in town in a month and wants to see me… I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Eve

If a Man…? Please Help

If a man I’ve been dating continues to tell me how attractive and put together the women he’s dated in the past are, what is he really trying to tell me?

A. He’s insecure

B. He only cares about looks

C. He’s trying to make me insecure

D. He just doesn’t know any better

E. He thinks it makes him seem more desirable

F. Other

 

Please help!

Thank you!

Eve

Single and Soul Searching

I was hoping I’d meet a great man and live happily ever after.

That hasn’t happened… well, I’ve met great men.

So, the first part is going great, but the “living happily ever after” part, isn’t.

I’m the problem.

I decided to reconnect with a counselor I’d seen online. I had a few appointments with her during, and right after, my divorce. Needed a little help adjusting to my new life.

Counseling for me goes like this:

I set up a 25 minute appointment, get very clear on my top two issues, then while waiting for my appointment date, I continue to focus on my issues and try to find my own answers.

Issue #1

I run from my problems. I don’t want to communicate, because I fear a fight. Don’t want to fight, so it’s easier to run away… Especially when dealing with men I actually like.

Issue #2

I desperately miss the stability of being married. While married, I never felt the need to run.

~

During my appointment I learned:

Issue #1

I’m extremely sensitive. What I see as a problem, wouldn’t be a problem for a “normal” less-sensitive person.

Yikes! Hate to admit, but it made sense. Dang it!

“How do I become less sensitive?” I asked.

“No. You don’t want to be less sensitive; it’s a wonderful trait to have. You just need to be less reactive,” she said.

Wow. Got it. This is something I can do! Kind of exciting.

It’s fine that I’m sensitive, I’ll embrace that part of me, but I need to be less reactive. OK.

No problem.

So, for Lent, I gave up being reactive.

Since realizing this, there are times I want to react, but I stop myself.

Occasionally, I’ll send a reactive text to myself. And later, after rereading the text, I’m always thankful I didn’t send it to the intended.

I see now, that I’ve turned things into problems, that are not really problems at all… at least not for them. LOL

I need to CALM DOWN!!!

I decided to reach out to a man I prematurely dumped.

We are going on a date this weekend. 🙂

Work in progress…

Eve

Liking Men Who Don’t Like Me Back

I’ve been dating a little.

I’ve found, for me, there are two types of men.

One type is ALL IN. He wants to lock it down before I’m ready. He’s 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something is missing for me.

The other type, causes ME to be 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something must be missing for him.

He causes me a lot of stress, because this one I like. (Do I want what I can’t have? Is it the chase? Or is it something deeper?)

He doesn’t seem interested.  He doesn’t text unless I text first. He doesn’t call anymore. He stopped making plans with me. But yet, he’s still hanging around. He says all the things I want to hear and continues to see me.

Don’t get the wrong idea, there is no sex. That will only happen after a talk, a test, and a commitment. I’m a slow mover, what can I say. 🙂

Today, I made the decision to stop texting.

He knows how I feel; I’ve made it obvious by my actions, how I treat him.

It is time for me to back away. I don’t have high hopes. And because of his behavior, I’m losing interest in him. I will never want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with me.

I will stay open to finding that happy medium… right in the middle of my two types… He’ll give me a little space, but always let me know he’s still in it.

Eve