A Phone Call From My Ex

My ex called me last night.

He told me he loved me.

I told him I loved him too.

He said he’d like to see me.

I said that would be nice.

He called me honey.

That surprised me.

I chalked it up as a moment of weakness.

I wasn’t weak.

~

If I get a couple of those phone calls, maybe I’ll have to put some thought into it.

He’s still the best man I’ve ever known.

But I’m hopeful I’ll meet another wonderful man who I can spend the rest of my life with.

For now, I’ll keep dating. I’ll keep working on me. I’ll keep working on my passions and career. I’ll keep spending time with friends.

And maybe, in a small corner in the back of my mind, I’ll wonder if my ex misses me. I’ll wonder if the time apart has made me a more attractive person. I’ll wonder if I have changed enough that I wouldn’t want him back or maybe I would…

Eve 

 

Liking Men Who Don’t Like Me Back

I’ve been dating a little.

I’ve found, for me, there are two types of men.

One type is ALL IN. He wants to lock it down before I’m ready. He’s 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something is missing for me.

The other type, causes ME to be 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something must be missing for him.

He causes me a lot of stress, because this one I like. (Do I want what I can’t have? Is it the chase? Or is it something deeper?)

He doesn’t seem interested.  He doesn’t text unless I text first. He doesn’t call anymore. He stopped making plans with me. But yet, he’s still hanging around. He says all the things I want to hear and continues to see me.

Don’t get the wrong idea, there is no sex. That will only happen after a talk, a test, and a commitment. I’m a slow mover, what can I say. 🙂

Today, I made the decision to stop texting.

He knows how I feel; I’ve made it obvious by my actions, how I treat him.

It is time for me to back away. I don’t have high hopes. And because of his behavior, I’m losing interest in him. I will never want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with me.

I will stay open to finding that happy medium… right in the middle of my two types… He’ll give me a little space, but always let me know he’s still in it.

Eve

The Men I’ve Dated Since My #Divorce

Because I’m at this crossroads… to date or not to date…

I’ve decided to learn more about myself.

I already know my childhood wasn’t ideal, but I know we all did the best we could do. I’m not perfect. My family isn’t perfect. I have no hard feelings.

I also hold no hard feelings toward my ex husband. He didn’t want to be with me anymore. Though I never would have left him, I’m not him. And I don’t want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with me. It’s pretty simple. Heartbreaking, but simple.

Searching for answers, I asked the two men I’ve dated since my divorce, “What was the hardest part about dating me?”

This is what they told me:

“I couldn’t get close to you.”

“You always kept me at arm’s distance.”

“You wouldn’t let me in.”

“You are very uptight.” (This one makes me laugh, because it is true. But I also like that about myself. I’m not go with the flow. I like structure. I like rules. I like order. But I also think I’m a lot of fun… Maybe I’m not that fun…)

“You’re too hard to get to know.”

“You were too quick to get upset, and you weren’t willing to talk things out.” (In my defense, deal-breaking issue, so yes, I walked away.)

“Never felt like you were really in it.”

After the multiple stabs in the heart from these guys, I had to sit with their truth.

I felt terrible.

I was fully engaged…. I wanted to be in these relationships. I believed I was very giving and loving and a very good partner.

They felt differently.

I was the common denominator. What I thought, didn’t matter. These two wonderful men felt the same way about me–I’m difficult.

I wondered if I was the same way toward my husband. Maybe he never felt close to me.

And then the crying started all over again.

Eve