I want out of my self-destructive cycle. I blame myself entirely.
Because I’m taking all the blame, taking all the responsibility, I’m also taking all the power to fix it.
How it started…
My dad died when I was young. My mom spent the rest of my childhood in depression… usually locked in her darkened bedroom. My (five-year) older brother was never around and left the house permanently as soon as he was able. I don’t blame him.
So basically, I was on my own. I was alone.
I had a roof over my head and cereal in the cupboard, but I raised myself.
I managed to fall in love and get married but after twenty years, he decided he didn’t want to be married anymore.
We did not have children.
The divorce killed me. I loved him very much and trusted that we would always be together. Always take care of each other. Always love each other.
I’ve been alone now for five years. I’ve unsuccessfully dated two men, each lasting around five months, give or take.
Now, I’m at a crossroads… Am I happier single?