He invited me to his place for dinner.
I really liked him. I was excited.
I watched him cook while we talked about various subjects.
I’m crazy about a man who can cook.
I watched him from behind.
He was sexy. I liked how his body looked.
As I stood in his kitchen, I put my hands in the back pockets of my jeans.
Horror flooded over me. My pants were split all the way up my butt.
My butt was out and had been for an hour or so… assuming it happened on the drive over.
“My pants are ripped.”
“Are they?” He said. Clearly he knew.
“Oh my God.” I said as I felt my bare skin (thong panties). “Do you have a full length mirror so I can see how bad this is?”
“Sure,” he said. “Follow me.”
We walked into his bedroom, and sure enough, it was as bad as it could have been. “I am so embarrassed.”
“It’s ok. Let me find you something to wear.”
I decided to wrap my sweater around my waist and tried not to worry about it.
While eating, I swallowed wrong and tried desperately not to have a coughing fit. He kept asking me questions and I kept ignoring him because I WAS CHOKING!
I barely managed to say, “I can’t talk.”
He kept talking.
With a raspy whisper, I said, “I’m trying not to cough.”
“Why? Coughing’s natural,” he said.
I drank water, I took slow breaths trying to avoid further embarrassment, but I couldn’t control it.
I recovered from my coughing fit, finished dinner, helped him clean up and he walked me to my car. Not surprising, he didn’t kiss me good night, but he did give me a hug.
When I got home, I stepped in from of the mirror hopeful, that after everything, I still looked pretty good, and I did, until I smiled. I had spinach in my front teeth.