Single and Soul Searching

I was hoping I’d meet a great man and live happily ever after.

That hasn’t happened… well, I’ve met great men.

So, the first part is going great, but the “living happily ever after” part, isn’t.

I’m the problem.

I decided to reconnect with a counselor I’d seen online. I had a few appointments with her during, and right after, my divorce. Needed a little help adjusting to my new life.

Counseling for me goes like this:

I set up a 25 minute appointment, get very clear on my top two issues, then while waiting for my appointment date, I continue to focus on my issues and try to find my own answers.

Issue #1

I run from my problems. I don’t want to communicate, because I fear a fight. Don’t want to fight, so it’s easier to run away… Especially when dealing with men I actually like.

Issue #2

I desperately miss the stability of being married. While married, I never felt the need to run.

~

During my appointment I learned:

Issue #1

I’m extremely sensitive. What I see as a problem, wouldn’t be a problem for a “normal” less-sensitive person.

Yikes! Hate to admit, but it made sense. Dang it!

“How do I become less sensitive?” I asked.

“No. You don’t want to be less sensitive; it’s a wonderful trait to have. You just need to be less reactive,” she said.

Wow. Got it. This is something I can do! Kind of exciting.

It’s fine that I’m sensitive, I’ll embrace that part of me, but I need to be less reactive. OK.

No problem.

So, for Lent, I gave up being reactive.

Since realizing this, there are times I want to react, but I stop myself.

Occasionally, I’ll send a reactive text to myself. And later, after rereading the text, I’m always thankful I didn’t send it to the intended.

I see now, that I’ve turned things into problems, that are not really problems at all… at least not for them. LOL

I need to CALM DOWN!!!

I decided to reach out to a man I prematurely dumped.

We are going on a date this weekend. 🙂

Work in progress…

Eve

I Stopped Texting Him… Now He’s Interested Again

So, the one I really liked (Liking Men Who Don’t Like Me Back) won’t stop texting, calling and asking me out.

But every time I say yes to him, he seems to lose interest in me all over again.

Now I’ve lost interest… In fact, I’ve lost interest in dating in general. I’m taking another break.

Although I’ve learned a lot about me, I still have a long way to go. I’m enjoying the journey. And I have enjoyed the dating; I think it has helped me discover more about myself.

Maybe a little drastic, but I deleted all men’s phone numbers from my phone so I won’t be tempted.

Surprisingly, I feel lighter and happier and more focused on my work and my life. WHO KNEW?!

Eve

One of Those Days… Online Dating

So unsure of my next step.

Thought I met somebody with potential, but I was wrong. And he hasn’t called or texted.

Getting back out there is comical. A 27 year old reached out. He messaged me with a joke. I’m sure most asked for the punchline, but I messaged back, “I can already tell you’re not funny.”

“That’s not what my yearbook says,” he replied.

Ok, so he’s a little funny.

Why am I messaging with a 27 year old? Ugh!

Then an age appropriate man messaged, “Let’s talk.” Much better. Seemed alpha and I like that.

I noticed he was from another state so I deleted his message without responding. Within minutes, I received another message from him, “I’m still trying.”

Maybe if he was closer…

Moral of this story: MEN ARE AWESOME! Older, younger, I just like them…

But I want to find the one. Just one. The one I can laugh with, cuddle with, be safe with, and love for the rest of my life.

 Eve

A Phone Call From My Ex

My ex called me last night.

He told me he loved me.

I told him I loved him too.

He said he’d like to see me.

I said that would be nice.

He called me honey.

That surprised me.

I chalked it up as a moment of weakness.

I wasn’t weak.

~

If I get a couple of those phone calls, maybe I’ll have to put some thought into it.

He’s still the best man I’ve ever known.

But I’m hopeful I’ll meet another wonderful man who I can spend the rest of my life with.

For now, I’ll keep dating. I’ll keep working on me. I’ll keep working on my passions and career. I’ll keep spending time with friends.

And maybe, in a small corner in the back of my mind, I’ll wonder if my ex misses me. I’ll wonder if the time apart has made me a more attractive person. I’ll wonder if I have changed enough that I wouldn’t want him back or maybe I would…

Eve 

 

Liking Men Who Don’t Like Me Back

I’ve been dating a little.

I’ve found, for me, there are two types of men.

One type is ALL IN. He wants to lock it down before I’m ready. He’s 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something is missing for me.

The other type, causes ME to be 100% available and kind and loving and generous and slightly needy and amazing. But something must be missing for him.

He causes me a lot of stress, because this one I like. (Do I want what I can’t have? Is it the chase? Or is it something deeper?)

He doesn’t seem interested.  He doesn’t text unless I text first. He doesn’t call anymore. He stopped making plans with me. But yet, he’s still hanging around. He says all the things I want to hear and continues to see me.

Don’t get the wrong idea, there is no sex. That will only happen after a talk, a test, and a commitment. I’m a slow mover, what can I say. 🙂

Today, I made the decision to stop texting.

He knows how I feel; I’ve made it obvious by my actions, how I treat him.

It is time for me to back away. I don’t have high hopes. And because of his behavior, I’m losing interest in him. I will never want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with me.

I will stay open to finding that happy medium… right in the middle of my two types… He’ll give me a little space, but always let me know he’s still in it.

Eve

I’m Back On Line… Dating

I’ve been dating. Mainly coffee meetings, calls and texts.

I’m fine with that for now.

I’m not really sure what I want and until I figure that out, is there really a point in any of this?

Maybe it all comes down to distraction…

Maybe I want a man to keep me from my dreams and goals.

Maybe I’ve lost sight of what I want, my career, MY future.

Maybe I’ve lost sight of how amazing I am.

Maybe I want a man to think I’m amazing… but how can he, if I don’t think I’m amazing?

Eve

Back From My Eventful Trip, Work Romance?

Loved the getaway!

A work friend was hoping to have a fling (or maybe more) with me.

We had dinner together. Tempting… Single. Muscular. Attractive. Intriguing. Very intriguing… but still, no.

I’m trying to keep my life simple. I don’t want drama and I don’t want to mix my personal life with work. I love my work. I don’t ever want to feel uncomfortable at work. We will remain friends and co-workers.

Since returning from my trip, I have focused on my home and to-do list. I’m in a great place right now. I’m caught up! Yay!

But with that comes… boredom, loneliness…

So, I’m back online.

We’ll see…

Eve